Reviewed by Daniel Taveras

Release: May 28th

1 hr. 56 min.

PG-13

Directed by: Mike Newell

Jake Gyllenhaal
Gemma Arterton
Ben Kingsly

Jordan Mechner’s 1989 title for the Apple II, Prince of Persia, was the first computer game that chiseled a deep, everlasting presence into my brain.

The uncommonly realistic rotoscoped animation.  The strafed sword battles.  Magic potions that blindly helped or hindered.  Leaps of faith, and deadly falls into intermittently spiked pits.

That series of fragments represents memories from an IP that’s beholden to only special, special things.  Follow-ups in the franchise have remained popular, and sustained video game popularity begets money thrown at Hollywood movie tie-in.

And coming down from the heavens, on his glorious white cloud, ladies and gentlemen…Jerry Bruckheimer.

From the man who’s never seen an explosion he didn’t like comes the latest in a long line of shoot first think of plot later vehicles.  Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, a story of time and sand.  Epic, windswept locales, with a princess in there somewhere. 

Through an act of bravery and heart, young orphan Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal) is swept upon the horse of a Persian king, setting the table for the rest of his to-be-privileged life.  As an adult he ventures off to the holy city of Alamut, to, along with the rest of the royal family, seize the divine metropolis.  There he encounters a vivacious princess (a browned-up Gemma Arterton) and a sacred dagger with the power to rewind time.

Now, director Mike Newell has done some interesting and nuanced work.  Upon arriving on set for Prince of Persia something had to have happened.  Mr. Newell must have been trying to set up a shot when Mr. Bruckheimer suggested something.  Mr. Newell must have agreed with what Jerry said because, heck, he hadn’t done much of this “action” stuff prior.  Before Mr. Newell knew it, Mr. Bruckheimer must have been telling the actors what to do and setting up the shots himself.

This film is not directed well.

Super gratuitous use of super slow-mo combined with confusing and unnatural cutting make the action sequences nary unwatchable.  Maybe it’s just a filmmaker uncomfortable in his surroundings but you’d think helming a Harry Potter picture would have prepared him for anything.

Casting American pretty boy Jake Gyllenhaal as a Persian prince should have thrown you off.  The film halfway gets around this by writing him off as an orphan boy taken from the streets of Persia.  Thankfully, Gyllenhaal’s white man from the west appearance doesn’t distract too much.  After awhile you can sort of realistically believe Jake’s running and jumping action-hero persona.  The dialogue between his character and Arterton’s princess is great; they shoot back and forth with style and wit.  Alfred Molina is as wonderfully fantastic as he always is as Sheik Amar, a hustling pseudo-intimidating ostrich racetrack owner.  And Ben Kingsly (as the Prince’s uncle Nizam) is due by now to win the award for greatest actor to appear in the largest amount of dreadful films.

The acting isn’t the problem however.  It’s the been there done that.  Five minutes can’t go by without another character speaking about the plot, and narrative turns are made for turns’ sake.  Not a terrible story, but awfully executed.  In better hands it could have been better than decent.

If I had the dagger of time I’d rewind to back before I saw…well, geez, I’m sure you get that one.

Bottom Line: 2.0/5.0